For those of you that either (a) reside beneath a rock and/or (b) genuinely dislike sports, I urge you to ignore this article and perhaps move on to some of the other topics.  Anyone else, forgive me if I beat the proverbial drum and pound my chest with unrivaled conviction but, to me, LeBron James is the biggest joke in the sporting world today (and Tiger Woods breathes a sigh of relief).

LeBron James, amidst a seeming global sports stoppage soaked in the limelight during his one-hour special “The Decision” where he announced that he will join his BFFs Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade in Miami for the 2010 season and beyond; not before of course fielding a few softball questions and sporting some of the most precise facial hair I have ever seen.   That’s all fine to me, LeBron is a free agent and it is his right to exercise where he goes and on what terms – after all he is only 25 years old and the recent burdens he’s been pressured with (namely Cleveland’s economy as a whole resting on James’ shoulders) are a bit silly.  What I do despise is his unwavering stance that he’s doing it to ‘win now’ rather than simply abiding by some sophomoric pact he, Wade, Bosh, and Chris Paul supposedly made during their stint in Beijing in 2008.  Evidently the four loved playing with one another so much that they swore to play again on the same side in the NBA (evidently Paul plans to join the Heat in 2012).

If this was a planned pact all along, why the hell didn’t LeBron just come out and say it?  Teams literally gambled away their futures hoping to swoon the biggest free agent in NBA history only to discover that one team, Miami, would be able to make this supposed impossible trio a reality.  Doesn’t matter that it was Miami, it could have potentially been any team that could accommodate the demands that three close-to-max deals would command; it just so happens that South Beach was able to make it happen and mortgaged quite a bit to do so.   Places like New York, New Jersey, Cleveland, and Chicago to an extent were all left a little shell-shocked and blindsided by the move – Cleveland suffering the brunt of the ‘decision’.  Jerseys burned, billboards of LeBron were given the Fort Knox treatment, and owner Dan Gilbert blasted one of the nastiest letters I can remember reading – his usage of Comic Sans perhaps the most offensive.

If LeBron’s jockeying for ‘winning now’ was the reasoning for his decision, then Chicago would have been his best bet barre none.  With a solid core and the recent addition of Boozer, LeBron would have had a cakewalk to the Conference Finals.   Personally, I think a cluttering of talent in one area tends to diminish the value of the product and can you imagine if LeBron had gone to Chicago and Miami wouldn’t be forced to fill their roster with D-leaguers?  The rivalry established between Chicago and Miami would have been great for years to come.  LeBron vs. Bosh; Wade vs. Rose.  Would have been phenomenal in my opinion.   As it is now, LeBron, Bosh, and Wade make up a team that did sign Mike Miller but has little room left to establish a bench; and any team will tell you how imperative a good bench is – namely for taking minutes off your superstars.  The three are looking at clocking serious minutes throughout the year that could be hell for their bodies – the ultimate irony when one considers James’ quote regarding his fear (had he stayed in Cleveland) about being 31 with bad knees and no championship.

I do think they’ll win a championship – not next year, but in at least three – though if LeBron cares about his brand or legacy I can’t see how this move is a wise one. Sure it’s his pals and I think it’s interesting (definitely unique) that they’re able to fulfill a goal of playing together, but LeBron is one of the most egotistical athletes in the world (hell, he did just have an hour-long special about his ‘decision’) and it’ll be fun to see how he co-exists on Dwayne Wade’s team – playing the consummate Robin to Miami’s Batman.

I titled this article “LeBron Christ” simply because I found the coverage of this a bit pretentious and ridiculous.  Fans (hell, even owners) acted like LeBron was a demigod, capable of revitalizing Lazarus given Lazarus had a decent post-game.    He could walk on water while shooting jump shots and cure the common cold with his pre-game talcum powder.   I complain of his narcissism, yet it’s the media that feeds the beast with coverage that can only be paralleled to a presidential election; however even LeBron can disobey a President’s wishes (Obama numerously lobbying for him to sign with the Bulls).   The three are affectionately being dubbed “The Three Kings” in Miami and perhaps it’s a fitting title to be associated with LeBron – he’ll always be the superstar that needed help for a championship.   Never a true King, rather a member of a collective court.  Let’s just hope that the court isn’t actually full of jesters.